Me, Me and Me!!!

   I really really enjoyed the disco, A LOT. I went there last Saturday. And the weird thing here is the disco only opens after 11pm. So, we left the house at 11.30pm, reached the disco at 12am. Had to wait outside in the cold, in my miniskirt and halter top and thin jacket in minus degrees temperatures for like 10mins to get in. The line was sooo long, and I heard that usually you have to wait for like an hour to get in. It was because my friends knew the bouncers thats why we only waited 10mins. Gosh, imagine the cold!

   Also, because its impossible to dance properly with a handbag. My sister advised me to not bring a bag, but to keep everything in my boots. So, I had 2 packets of tissues, my lip gloss, my money, and the disco ticket all stuffed into my boots. Amazingly, it wasn t uncomfortable or anything though. I managed to dance in my boots the whole night with all the things stuffed in it.

    It seems though that everything was striving to stop me from going to the disco though. Cos we were supposed to go like weeks ago, only all sorts of events conspired to keep us from going. Like, my friends went on holiday, my friends fell sick and etc. Then, last Saturday, I fell sick. I felt feverish, and i had a running nose and a cold and all. And I was seriously considering not going to the disco, but I prayed that God would heal me and HE DID! In fact, I didnt have to blow my nose at all for the whole 4 hours that I was in the disco, and I din feel sick at all. A miracle!

   For the first time in my life, I wasnt feeling self conscious.. I wasnt worried about how short my skirt was or how much skin I was showing. I have no idea where all my confidence came from. I enjoyed dancing so much! I never expected myself to enjoy the disco so much. In fact, because I was dancing with my friends, I ended up dancing on the raised cube thingy in front of the DJs booth. Normally, I wont even dance, and now, i actually danced in front of a floorfull of people. Was fun though! Im really gonna miss the discos when I get back to Msia.

   Cos the discos on Msia is different somehow, cos there are hardly any weirdos at the discos here. Like the chances of meeting hot cuties are high, and the crowd is much younger too.. Its like most of the ppl there are below 20. And you can dance without being considered sluttish..

   I hope I get to go to the disco at least once more before going back home.

Im really starting to detest the snow. Number one, its so freaking cold. Number two, I am stuck at home, and cant go anywhere… It gets frustrating.

But on the other hand, its pretty cool too.. The experience in itself is cool. Like the snowstorm thing and having to wear snowshoes, and snowchains on the car, having to shovel the driveway, brush mountains of snow of the car… In a way, it is cool.

But I think I prefer the sun. Especially when the snow is preventing me from doing the things I want, like going to the cinema, going to the disco, going out with my friends. That s when I start hating the snow.

    Well, this will be a post all devoted to fashion. So, if you are a guy or not interested in fashion. I suggest you just stop reading here in order not to bore yourself.

    First, the biggest colour here is pink. I see pink everywhere in every shade imaginable, from fuchsia, to pale pink. And I realised I especially adore guys who wear pale pink T shirts, like pink so pale its almost white… Wow, I just find it so hot!

    Then, brands are huge here. I see branded stuff everywhere, I dunno how the heck the teens here manage to afford such pricey goods. Dolce & Gabbana seems to be the biggest brand here; its D&G everything everywhere. D&G scarves, wallets, belts, shirts, jeans, etc. Then, for ladies, the brand seems to be Gucci. I see tons of Gucci belts too. Then, Prada is hot as well..

   In fact, its half crazy! There is a guy in my class who wears Prada sport shoes. And I am like, hello?? Its school, not a fashion runway or at the office or whatever. Then, another girl in my class wears a Gucci cap. Another guy uses an Armani wallet. And everybody everywhere is wearing Dolce & Gabbana T shirts, belts, etc. I dunno how the heck everyone affords it. Sigh.. And I am living in a SMALL village, they dun even consider this place a town. Imagine how bad this fashion thingy will be in places like Milan or Rome.

   The other day, a girl told me about how during Sales time, the ladies in the shop would snatch at clothes to try on. And then, the line at the Changing Room would be too long, so people whould try on their clothes outside the changing room, in between the racks. Whoa…! And she said that these people weren t even teens but middle-aged women. Like major whoa…!

    And did I mention to you that I have been wearing this ugly huge white jacket over here in this Fashion Country. I have to wear it everyday and I detest the jacket. The other day I went to the shopping centre and within 15 mins I met 3 guys wearing the same jacket. Get that, its a guy jacket, not a ladies!!! Gosh, I am wearing A MEN s JACKET….. And to make things worse, there is this guy whom I meet everyday cos we take the same bus home, and he wears the same jacket as me. And he is not even cute or anything, but all nerdy.. *sigh*

   OKie, that s all I have to say. Need to go blow my runny nose. Yea, I am starting to feel a little sick from the extreme cold. I consider myself blessed if the temperature is above 5 celcius. This morning, its was -5. Brrr. its COLD!

   Sorry for taking forever to blog, I really do apologise.. Well, making lame excuses: the com at home lags and I was waiting to come to school again to blog… And I just had to email my cousins and Krys.

Anyway, lots has happened since my last post. Ive done quite a bit of travelling during my 2 weeks Christmas vacation. We went on day trips to Venice and Milan. Venice was a dream, and was awesomely romantic and fabulous! I went there together with Le Anne, a South African exchange student (yes, we share similiar names), and her rich family. We had a 2 hr drive there in her Papa car. And heres the best bit! I SAT IN A GONDOLA!!!!!!! That was a dream come true for me, honestly, I never thought in my wildest dreams I would get to sit in a grand gold and red gondola with black leather sits and squishy pillows! WOW! And having a hot gondolier row us in the narrow canals, past ornamented marble bridges, palazzos, and enjoy the scenes.. the sight of sunlight reflecting on the water is just pure bliss. Plus having the other tourists gawk at you and take photos of you is a definite plus, ehehe.. And I found out that the 15 min gondola ride costs €80!!! Thats equivalent to about RM360!!! Gosh, thats effing expensive! But of course Le Annes rich dad had sponsored the ride and he refused to let me pay a cent, and since I figured he is rich and can well afford it, so, oh well, he can pay if he wants to…

Then, the Milan trip was with my sister, Elisa. And Le Anne. We took the train to Milan, feels good to be independent taking trains and buses alone around town. We spent the day walking around Milan, doing a little shopping, taking photos of everything and walking and walking and walking a lot.. We got to see the Duomo, the church. And its beautiful, I think Michelangelo did part of the murals and frescoes and statues. It was breathtakingly beautiful, I really do admire the ppl who spent years hanging outside the enterior of the church just carving away at the marble. It really has to get your respect, theyre such geniuses.

Well, all in all. Im happily contented with life, mostly. Its been pretty good!

Ciao!

Im in Italy now, in my schools computer lab. Been here since Friday after a super long 15 hr flight. Met my host family in San Martino, Reggio Emilia in Italy. Theyre really nice ppl.. Hehe, they let me borrow most of their clothes. =)

One thing, the italians eat A LOT. Ive always thought malaysians are big eaters.. But come to italy and youll be schocked. This ppl eat like 4 course meals everyday! And they eat lots of pork and cheese! Im always so stuffed this few days. I think ill put on weight for sure, unfortunately.

Second thing, italian guys are dang cheeky. On my train ride here from Rome to San Martino, I was sitting beside this old man. And well, hes old enought to be my grandfather and yet he hit on me.. Kinda anyway.. Pinched my cheek, played with my hair and gave a lot of weird compliments.. Was kinda disgusting.. Eheh..

Third thing, italians are loud and friendly and expressive. But mostly in a good way. =) Hehe, plus they always talk politics though.. Seemingly..? When they talk politics their hands start flying everwhere and banging tables which can be kinda scary.. Ehehe..

Also, italian guys are dang HOT! The girls too actually. And they have really romantic beautiful names. Theres this guy in my class who is really really hot and cute.. *grin*

Okie la, I know this post is kinda messy but I cant think well enough to post with proper structure and flowery language so this will have to do for now. Ciao!

   I think I lead a sheltered life. As yet, I’ve never even come close to experiencing death. Not even my pets (excluding the fish).. My only dead relative would be my grandfather and he passed away when I was a wee baby and I can’t remember a single thing. In fact, I think I didn’t even go for the funeral. I think they didn’t want a baby there..

   At times, I truly thank God that I’ve never had to see death or meet death before. So far, life’s been all about LIFE! Maybe that contributes a lot to my optimism and happy-go-lucky ways.. Sometimes, I wonder, what if, one day Star dies.. Like say he gets run over by a car or something. Honestly, I can’t fathom what or how I would feel inside.. Its just something I can’t imagine.

   Or sometimes I have friends sharing with me about how one of their friends passed away in car accidents.. Or about how their grandparents passed away due to old age.. And I’m like real sad, but.. Its not me who’s friend has passed away.. So, one part of me wonders what if that was my friend.. What then? And one part of me thanks God that I don’t have to go through such an experience. (Heh, I’m starting to ramble.. So, I’ll keep this short)

Well, recently, I feel death has been slowly looming up on me.
Its like I know soon, very very soon someone close is going to pass away..
And all the signs are here,
and it could happen anytime…. now…

My grandaunt,
the one who took care of me when I was a baby,
fed me washed me taught me loved me…
Well, she’s 80+ and….getting weak.
When I was young she probably took care of me more than my own parents did.
She slept in the same room with me,
took care of me when my parents were at work.

Well, some years ago..
She developed cancer..
And she underwent surgery and thank God, came out alive,
albeit much suffering..
She has a deformed jaw,
and been eating nothing except for porridge for the past 4/5 years..
And she turned senile, lost her memory..
Once she couldn’t even remember my name,
I was so shocked, and hurt..
I never imagined her condition could be so bad..
I cried,
and made her remember my name.
Repeating my name to her many many times,
telling her to never never forget it…
And she promised me she would not.

Nowadays, she can’t really remember people anymore..
She’s forgotten my cousins and my brothers,
I thank God though, that at least she still remembers me..

Nowadays, her condition’s getting a lot worse.
She can’t walk straight anymore.
can’t talk properly..just mumbles..

I found out today,
that she hasn’t been eating or drinking for two days.
Two freaking days!!
Shit..
And I only found out today, just now.
Two freaking hours ago!
Effing..

Dear God,
I really really don’t want her to die..
At least not before I have the assurance I’m going to see her in heaven.
If she’s in pain,
I’ll rather she go quickly.
But but please dear God, she has to believe in YOU
and know that YOU are the one true God and that YOU
died on the cross for HER…
She has to know this..

Well, the problem, dear people is..
She’s gotten senile, you see..
And she might say the sinner’s prayer today and say that she accepts God,
but then just ask her a few minutes later,
just a few freaking minutes later,
and she would have forgotten all about it.
And thinks that she’s buddhist or whatever..
She just so doesn’t get it..
How am I ever going to help her understand??
Ohh, the urgency!
I just want her to know that YOU, God Almighty love her..
How do I tell her that
make her understand that
and most importantly, remember that..
AND believe it, with all her heart..

God, I need a miracle from you.
And Lord, this night,
I only pray and ask one thing
with all my heart and I hope
my soul as well,
that you grant me a miracle!
Cause I really do need and want one.

Lord, please please don’t let her die..
Not before she knows the truth and the light..

And lastly, dear God,
I think I have never told her that
I LOVE HER..
These three words, so meaningful,
yet….

Lord, give me the chance to tell her this.
I want her to hear it,
from my very own lips..
I want her to know,
that yes, indeed, I truly do love her..

Take care of her and keep her safe..

And Lord, yes,
I think I can say,
that yes, I do indeed love her..

And I regret all this years,
of taking things for granted.
It just seems that things that are lost
forever
are just appreciated so much more….

I regret not spending more time with her,
I just realise,
that I don’t know much about her childhood.
This makes me wonder,
all my ancestors…
what vast knowledge they have stored in their minds,
what colourful and dear memories they must have,
and yet, we, grandchildren, just don’t take the time to talk to them..
What? Boring people…
That’s our presumption..
Oh, what we are depriving ourselves from.

Please, dear friends,
don’t wait till its too late.
Promise me, that you’ll spend time with your grandparents
Tell them that YOU LOVE THEM.
I guarantee you,
the smile on their faces,
will be so worth it.

   I am so bored.. I know I should be sleeping, but I dun feel like it. So right now, I’m sitting in front of my com doin nothing.. *sigh* I haven’t been blogging for ages.. Well, don’t expect frequent posts from now on. I’ll be taking a break to study for spm.

   Let me voice my fears. I dun feel like studying for spm yet. I KNOW I should. And I will, so dun you dare start nagging at me.. But well, I can’t work up the mood to study. Hmm, well, I sure hope I manage to force myself to study sometime soon. Starting tomorrow, I hope..

   Well, some updates on life. Firstly, go vote for KRYS!! At https://www.pgi.com.my/guesswriter_ctg_b.aspx
Go vote for her okay? She got shortlisted for that mph essay competition that I mentioned awhile back. She’s got a really great story and I support her completely. Go vote!! I insist! Hmm, btw, I din get shortlisted. And yea, I was dissapointed. But not anymore. So long as I know I gave it my best..

   Okay, moving on.. Well, remember that AFS student-exchange thingy? Well, I got chosen! Yay! =D Hmm, but I’m still waiting for their letter of confirmation. I hope I get it this week, and my host family’s info soon too. I need some good news to cheer me up. Well, it’ll either be Italy or Spain. Both ways, it’ll be cool. So long as I get to go.

   I hurt my toe last night. A plank fell on it, and a chunk of skin came out. It stung like crap at first, but it looked fine, like a minor accident. So, i ignored it. Then, blood started gushing out. Like A LOT of blood, and it was flowing all over my toe.. But well, I found it kinda cool, cos by then, my toe was numb and there was no pain.. So, yea.. It was like watching a blood-covered toe and it doesn’t feel like my toe because there’s no pain, but it is my toe. It’s like watching something gory yet you can’t quite tear your eyes away from it. Neway,its covered with a plaster now.

   Hmm, my class farewell dinner was last night. We had it over at Ang Shiou’s condo and it was real fun. The whole class was there, except for Seng Yoon. Oh well, he din want to come anyway.. The food was delicious albeit messy. The water and the pool was fun fun fun!! Too bad I couldn’t jump into the pool. I sooo wanted to. Me and Sasa made a great couple and we won all the games! Lolz, we dominated man… YAY!!! Hurray to me and Sasa! (goodness, she’s gonna kill me if she sees i’ve called her sasa in my blog)

   Hmm, mr michael joined the guys and drank whiskey that night. Hmm.. I still have mixed feelings over that teacher, can’t say if I hate him or tolerate him. I have a feeling the final EST paper carries a lot of weight in this matter. If he gives me a 40something again, I’ll have his neck over it. Especially since I slaved over the testimonials for him..

   Okie, I’m rambling.. I realise that. Kay, I’ll cut all this short and pop off to bed now. Hehe, I dun feel bored anymore. Not one bit =) I love blogging!

  See ya all you hot dudes and chicks! Love all of you! NItez! =D

P.S : I know that tonight’s post went round in circles and nothing much was communicated.. But well, just to let you know that I’m alive and kicking and well. =)

   Here’s something which happened last week which probably will put me off doctors, for life.. Remember the AFS thing? Well, I need to get a doctor to fill up a health certificate verifying that I’ve had my vaccinations and I’m fit to travel and all that.

   So, last week (on tuesday i think) I went to my doctor, the one I’ve been to ever since I was born. He’s been treating me since I was a day-old. Literally.

   So, I was waiting in the waiting-room and I was watching the TV mounted on the wall. It was one of those doctor-hospital drama programs. It was about a pregnant lady and how her gynecologist (doctor who treats pregnant ladies) raped her. I was watching till the part where the pregnant lady was getting her lawyer to sue the doctor when the nurse called me to say the doctor was ready for me to go in.

   Now, at that point I was rather shaky and thinking they really shouldn’t show programs like that in hospitals, especially not when you are just about to go and visit a real doctor yourself. It’s like scary.., you’re still shaken from what you’ve seen in the movie, and now, you’re gonna have to face a real doctor.

   So, I hoped that the doctor would just sign the paper and he wouldn’t have to check me or anything.. Blekz.. Unexpectedly, he asked me to go to the next room (the checking room with the bed) and told me to remove my pinafore. I just came back from school, so, I was wearing my blue and white school uniform.

   Understandably, after watching a movie like that I was reluctant to remove my pinafore. Right? Bah, I wished he would just sign the danged paper. Okie, thank God my mother was in the room with me. So, at least I’ll be safe from the doctor right?

   Okay, what happened after that did not make me feel safe, mother or no mother.. Wouldn’t you feel really vulnerable lying on a bed with a balding doctor above you? Plus I was only in my bra and panties and my white shirt was unbuttoned and pushed up to my shoulders. Eeesh..! *gag*

   I thought it was really unnecessary. Right? What’s with the full-body check up? Can’t you just sign the paper? And why the heck is he running his hands all over my tummy? Maybe he’s checking for cancerous lumps or something? Bleh, he even has to feel my armpits? What the?!!

   My mother’s just sitting there watching. So, I guess the watching doesn’t feel as wrong as being touched. Or maybe its the influence of that TV program. Or maybe I’m just uncomfortable with being touched.

   But isn’t it really unneccesary? What’s the whole point of the check-up? I don’t think the form or cert requires any of this? Okay, and why is he taking my blood pressure? And banging away at my joints with a mini hammer? Can’t he at least wait till I’m dressed to take my blood pressure and start knocking my joints?

   Bah, I’m not being very appreciative. I thank God when its all over! And I can get up and get dressed properly again.

   When its all over, I wonder if its just me and my imagination coupled with that TV program..? Or is he a dirty old doctor? But if my mum thinks its all right, then, I guess it must be alright, right?

   But one thing I do know, this experience has rather put me off doctors. I don’t think I’ll want to go visit a doctor, not for a long time… Not if it can be helped. No thanks..

   Well, at least I did get my cert and form signed.. So, now I can get the AFS application form passed up.

   Well, I’ve gotten a lot better thanks for all your prayers. =) Hmm, I’ve been having weird dreams lately.. Prolly because I’ve been sleeping too much. Last night, I dreamt I was on holiday in China and I bought a puppy. He was really really cute with light brown fur and blue eyes. Then, I woke up. And realised that no, there was no puppy. Sniff…. Blekz, so sad..

   Oh wait, my mum bought four guppies for me yesterday. =D They’re really beautiful, and I love their tails! So maybe, that’s the consolation for not having the puppy.

   Also, I’ve been dreaming about some people in my life. People who used to be friends but now, didn’t keep in touch. They keep reappearing in my dreams, somthing like part one and part two. Like Monday night, they’ll give me a present. Then, on Thursday night, I’ll open the present. A bit weird.. Hmm, I’m wondering if I should actually call them and keep in touch.

   Dreams which feel real always disturb me. Y’know… Sometimes dreams feel super real, even more real than real life..

   Or sometimes, I go to a certain place or do a certain something.. And I get hit by deja vu.. And I think I’ve seen this place before in my dream. And I’ve done this before too in my dream. And it just feels so so weird..

   Haha, or maybe I’ve just been sleeping too much and thinking too much and weirding myself out. Being holed in, doing nothing except sleep, eat, drink, online is probably taking its toll on me. Or maybe its just the after-effects of being sick. Hmm?

   I was sick yesterday.. *sigh* I woke up and didn’t feel like leaving my bed. My head throbbed and I felt so cold..  And every part of my body ached. But I was really really thirsty.. Plus it was already 11am, time to wake up. So, dragged my body out of bed.. But it was so tough man. It was like evry step I took my whole world spinned around.

   Ate my breakfast and downed gallons of water to soothe my sore throat. My stomach churns, I felt like throwing up. But I didn’t. Washed down an Aspirin with water (no panadol at home), then, I fell asleep on my sofa downstairs.

   I was so cold, I was shivering with the fan turned to 1. Huddled under a pile of pillows and slept. I woke up at 1pm feeling so much better! Aspirin is really really good. At least my headache is nearly gone, the world doesn’t spin around anymore, and I don’t feel like throwing up anymore. But my body still aches.. Ate cereal for lunch. Drank lots of water. Then, went upstairs to my room to sleep again. Woke up, drank water, go toilet. Then, continued sleeping.

   All in all, I spent about 14-16 hours sleeping out of 24 hours..

   However, all the sleeping did me good. When, I woke up at 6pm. I was well enough to go for my class in Systematic. I wouldn’t want to miss my class, I was far back enough as it is. I got back my progress test results. 36 over 100. Ouch! Dang low man.. Well, I was comforted that only 3 ppl in the whole class got above 50. And 36 is above average in my class. Heh, cheap comforts..

   All in all, it was a crappy day. Being sick is no fun at all. It gets really torturous, really painful suffering. But you know what, I wanted to spend this holiday studying remember? As yet, I still haven’t started. Well, cos I still feel too sick to study. Way way too sick..

   Studying? Oh man, God help, I need discipline to start studying. That’s why right now (!) I’m going to off my computer, go to my room and start studying. Yes, and pray please that my headache will go away. And pray too that I won’t fall asleep. Or be distracted by my phone..

*sigh*